Friday 7 February 1986

…Made a model of a farm in Art. I had to do the sheep dip of course.
Went out into assembly because of my birthday.
Said I had a metronome. Everybody said WHATS THAT? [sic]…

And who can blame them?

Every Friday we had an assembly at primary school where those who had enjoyed a birthday during the week had to come up to the front, talk about a notable present, then have Happy Birthday to You sung at them.

I guess my choosing to mention the metronome was one of those fatal attempts to “be different” that merely makes you look pompous and/or remote and/or stupid.

The metronome survives to this day (on top of the piano in my parents’ living room), as does my embarrassment at boasting about such a pretentious present. Why didn’t I mention the blank tapes – avowedly humdrum yet reassuringly everyday?

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